~ Tired + Lost = ME :( ~ *for now*

* sigh * ~.~ that's just how i really feel for now...humphh. I just feel the need to write something, to let my feelings out and here i am.. I even wonder whether i'm really okay or not... when i say lost it's not like i went somewhere and got lost, it's my soul or something inside me that got lost somewhere.. I just don't when will it come back again to me :/ There's this hole inside my heart and no matter with what i fill it with, it's always exist.. I guess also have the urge to cry and i don't know why i too. Maybe the cloud inside me is getting heavy and heavier and it is the time for it to rain..yeah maybe . Regrets and changes.. those two things are the things that i always thought to myself.. some part of me want changes but afraid if the results of it makes me feel regret.. but no matter how badly i want it to change, it can never happen because like i said sometimes there are things in our life that are just meant to stay the same and can never be changed whether we like it or not.

I wonder if these all are nothing but a dream to me.. If it is then, how would i really feel then? Is it a good thing or bad one? How i wish that all these are nothing but a real thing.. Haven't i wake up yet from the deep slumber? When will i wake up and face the reality? Wonder if i ever get to wake up from it.. or is it that i'm already trapped inside it and never make it out from it. Does my life really different from the others? What makes it really different then? What makes me different? Do I even like being different? Why do i keep questioning myself? Because i want answers..definite answers.. so that i can feel secure with my own self and the things around me. tchhh am i that fragile? i guess i am. I may look soft on the outside, but i'm really hard on the inside.. I may look easy from the outside, but it's really hard to get me.. There just so many layers or phase or trial to get through me.. One's can never get to predict me, heck even i couldn't get to predict myself... I am a very complicated person and secretive... That's just ME...

~ He's just a mere anyway ~ *frown*

Huhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. Mere. Yes that's what he is and suppose to be.. Yet i still dream about him... No, of course not M.S.C.P. If it's him then, i'll surely be glad. But this is not M.S.C.P, this is someone else.. tchh whatever, i don't really care about his name actually. I told one of my friend about this and *hahaha* she's seriously thought i should get this guy out of my head...heck, even from my memory.. *frowning* huhh i just..don't know.. Waitt! it's not like i still like him or what it's just that somehow i still remember him..suddenly i would say. :/  Duh! but still who cares right. I just got one wish whenever i'm at the main campus, please oh please i hope i will not meet him there or bump into him. I just don't want to meet him again!! Seems like running away right but heck, who cares... Of course M.S.C.P is my priority, he's always first and this person that i'm talking about is just a nuisance only in my life...